you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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