I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
