Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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