meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
