dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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