You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
sarcasm needs its own font
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
