My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I deserve this hangover.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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