May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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