Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Randomize
