Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
