first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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