Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
