i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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