Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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