Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
