What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
