you mean i was at the winter classic?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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