Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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