I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Everclear isn't food dammit
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
