Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
