does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
