sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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