one word: firstdatebathroomanal
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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