While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
