He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
