All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
