so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
