Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
