suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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