So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
