i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
