I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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