In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I checked into jail on foursquare
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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