her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
