You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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