..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
