In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
