I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
