Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
