What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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