we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
