I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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