Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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