The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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