last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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