he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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