You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize