i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
