I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
