At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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