i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
