At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
