Moan for me like Helen Keller
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize