he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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