just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
