I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
