I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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