Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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