I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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