dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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