i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
