She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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