my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
