Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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